How Troublesome
by The Kitty-kitty
Summary: On a mission in Suna Shikamaru ends up in the worst possible position trapped in a small space with the furious Temari. If he stays, she'll kill him. If he leaves, the Akatsuki will kill him. ShikaTema oneshot.


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How Troublesome

The thing about the Hidden Village of Sand, Shikamaru quickly discovered, was that its villagers were so used to chaos that proceeded Kazekage Gaara's death that they probably wouldn't notice if the sky fell down around their ears.

He struggled through the crowds, straining not to lose sight of his target as he was bumped and jostled from all sides. For at least an hour now he'd been making his way through the narrow streets of Suna, where the cloying stench of sweat that hung in the humid air and the rising dust made it hard to breathe. Shikamaru despised the heat and the fact that, although his team were spread throughout the centre of the village in loose, cool clothes, acting loudly and much like tourists to draw attention toward them, _he _was bundled up in his black chuunin uniform and baking in the three o'clock sun.

There was some strategy going on here that Shikamaru hadn't fully uncovered yet.

__

Why, he thought with mounting frustration, _are the Akatsuki in this place and looking so ... obvious? They must be trying to get attacked, but no-one's stupid enough to start an unprovoked attack on one of them... or is that the point? Making sure they're not attacked?_

As he blinked sand out of his eyes, there was a flash of black and red and his target suddenly disappeared, moving so fast that Shikamaru only just caught sight of a dark coloured blur moving toward the sky.

"How trou-" started Shikamaru, but stopped mid-sentence as his hand instinctively shot to his side, searching for a kunai. The street had suddenly emptied rather quickly and if he concentrated he could still feel the Akatsuki's chakra close, as well as another vaguely familiar presence rushing toward him. He turned, kunai held tightly in his hand and lashed out at thin air. There was a thump to his right and his arm was grabbed, twisted roughly and before Shikamaru could even shout in pain his assailant ploughed into him, head butting him in the stomach and driving the air right out of his lungs.

He fell backwards, smacking his head off the ground and sending a shower of sand into the air. Reaching out blindly, he grabbed both of the attacker's hands and lunged forward suddenly so that, with a resounding crack, their foreheads collided. Immediately, the other ninja tried to pull away and managed to wrench their left hand, slick with blood Shikamaru had probably drawn with the kunai, out of his grip. Through the dazed ringing in his ears, he could hear a female voice shout 'LET GO, BAKA!'

"Tema-" he started, recognizing the voice, but was drowned out as, around him, the entire ground seemed to explode and a searing pain shot through his shoulder. Temari grabbed the front of his chuunin jacket and shoved him backwards so that they both tumbled out of the way as bombs rained down on the streets.

There was mischievous laughter from above them. "Aha! I got you... yeah!(1)"

"Deidara," hissed Shikamaru.

"Shut up," said Temari. "We're out of sight and I'm masking our chakra. Don't blow it."

Shikamaru scowled, but said nothing.

"And get your hand off my arm or I'll break it off," snapped Temari.

Shikamaru let go of her arm and shrugged, as though he couldn't care less what she did. He pressed his wrist to his mouth and breathed into his sleeve, trying to muffle the sound of his laboured breathing, still winded from her earlier attack. Beside him, she was examining the long, shallow cut on her hand with professional interest, green (2) eyes narrowed. They'd ended up scrambling into a tiny shed probably built to give a bit of shade in the scorching sun, and were sitting shoulder to aching shoulder watching the shadow of Deidara's owl glide in circles on the dry ground in front of them.

"You have come out sometime... yeah..." called the Akatsuki shinobi cheerfully.

"I thought the sand would have stopped him seeing us," growled Temari.

"Ah... how troubl-"

"Shut up," said Temari sharply.

"Oi... that's not going to hel-"

"Then shut up and _think of a plan_," she muttered, "this freak nearly killed Gaara, I don't even want to think of what he could do to us."

They sat in silence for a few seconds more, listening to bombs and jutsu pound against the flimsy roof, tensing each time it sounded as though it would snap in two. Shikamaru stared at the ground, his hands, the underside of the roof, the sand falling like drizzle from at each impact the shed withstood.

"... we could-"

"We're _not _running away."

Shikamaru gave her a vaguely despairing look. "It's stupid to challenge someone who's clearly a _lot _more powerful than you."

"I don't care."

"If the roof holds we -"

"We're _not _waiting for the others to show up."

Shikamaru sighed. "How trou-"

"_Don't _say it."

"... it's the Akatsuki. It's not cowardice to run away, it's strategic."

"I'm not going to run away. Gaara didn't run away, neither did Kankuro," said Temari toughly. Shikamaru glanced sideways at her, watching her rip material from her sleeve with her fingers and teeth before twisting it tightly around her injured hand. Turning it over in the small shafts of light beginning to form as the roof splintered, she glared at it, lips pressed into a thin, angry line.

Wordlessly, Shikamaru raised the kunai in his right hand and wiped the gritty mess of sand and blood that clung to it his pants leg before slamming it hard into the ground and dragging it through the damp clay that lay in the shade.

"What the hell are you doing!" he heard Temari growl.

"You wanted a plan," said Shikamaru, drawing a square with the blade and swiping two little X's in the corner. "This is the shed. This is us."

Above them, the roof gave a particularly ominous creak and a loud snap sounded. Shikamaru's hand shot out, grabbing Temari's wrist as he tensed, ready to make a run for it across the empty street, dragging her if he had to. One of the planks serving as shelter strained and both ninja turned sharply to see it snap in half and fall, letting another bright beam of light into the dingy shed. He could feel adrenaline rushing through his veins and his heart thudding in his ears so loudly that he hardly heard Temari's quiet 'oh.'

"I thought that was it there," she muttered, taking forced breaths.

He turned to face her and realized she was staring at him, brow furrowed in its usual frown - though this one was more confused than anything else. Shikamaru could feel pressure at his throat - she must have grabbed the front of his vest at the same time he'd grabbed her wrist, with the same intention in mind - but he found he couldn't even move, let alone look away from her perplexed expression. He could feel his cheeks heating up as she leaned forward, pressing her elbow against his chest and tightening her grip on his collar. Temari was so close now that he could feel her controlled breathing.

There was another crack from above as the plank above them began to strain under the pressure and, anticipating another break, both ninja shoved each other away, hitting either side of the tiny shed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" asked Temari, voice terser than ever. "Come on, explain the plan to me already!"

Shikamaru glowered at her. "How tr-"

"And SHUT UP!" snapped Temari.

"Shut up or explain the plan?"

The look of pure loathing Temari shot him was enough to make him vow that he'd never say 'how troublesome' again in her presence.

"... Maa... as I was saying... in Konoha to become a genin, students usually have to be able to do bushin no jutsu - do you do that?"

"No," said Temari, "for our test we have to land a hit on our sensei with a kunai. But we learn bushin no jutsu, why?"

"Good," said Shikamaru. "Now... here's the plan."

Five minutes later, Deidara was still lazily chipping away at one remaining broad plank of wood that, for the last minute, the two young ninja had been huddled beneath in the corner of the remains of the shed. Whistling a jolly tune, he drew his hand back to cast a final explosion over the plank when, on the ground, two figures caught his eye, making a mad dash across the street. The blonde girl had already reached the other side and had managed to gain five feet, running along the wall of a ten floor building by drawing the chakra to her feet. The Konoha chuunin, however, was still scrambling across the street.

"Yeah..." said Deidara, smirking. He looked at the nondescript marble held gently between his fingers. "Hey! Konoha!"

Shikamaru stopped and looked up, a comically goofy expression plastered onto his face. Deidara tossed the marble into the air and brought his palm down hard on it, slapping it toward Shikamaru who reached out to grab it. His eyes widened to the size of saucers as, on impact, it exploded. Temari, now running as fast as she could to scale the building, let out on gasped bark of laughter as the smoke cleared to reveal... nothing.

"A clone... yeah," Deidara frowned, "a good distraction but it didn't last long."

He dove toward Temari as she neared the edge of the roof, watched her turn with her teeth bared before her dark green eyes widened. The sudden gust of wind knocked her off her feet, leaving her without a hand or foothold. She couldn't even draw breath to scream as she plummetted, head first, toward the ground.

Deidara's teeth ground together as she disappeared in a small cloud of smoke the second she made impact.

There was a sharp whistle from behind him.

"OI!" shouted the Sand nin, perched on the roof of the opposite building. "Hey, Akatsuki-kun! Forgetting someone?"

She was sitting on the edge of the roof of Suna's library, kicking her legs over the street with a cheeky smile and a suggestive pose. She winked at him.

"Another clone... yeah," said Deidara, "or no? You'd have to be a fool to put yourself out in the open... yeah..."

Beneath him, the monstrous bird glided closer and he lunged toward the girl, fully expecting her to disperse on contact. Instead, she grabbed his wrists and threw herself backwards so that, struggling furiously, Deidara was hurled right over her head and flung onto the roof. Uttering something under his breath that definitely wasn't 'yeah' he pulled himself back to his feet and pulled another marble from a pocket in the volumous red-cloud-print robes.

"Stop," said Temari, and to his surprise Deidara did. "... ah, how troublesome, what pocket did you get that from?"

Very carefully, Deidara's hands moved without his moving them, patting his robes until he found a pocket and then _very _carefully placing the marble in it.

His mouth wouldn't move.

"My nose is itchy," grumbled Temari, raising her hand to scratch it. Deidara's rose to mimic it. "Oh... you can talk."

"Kagemane no jutsu,(4)" hissed Deidara. "I thought only the Konoha Nara clan could use that, yeah?"

"You thought right," Temari shrugged. Try as he might, Deidara couldn't stop his own shoulders moving to match hers. In another small puff of smoke, Temari's appearance seemed to drift away from her, leaving a sulky looking boy in a chuunin uniform.

"Actually," said Shikamaru. "Don't talk, it messes up my concentration."

"You did it," Temari pulled herself over the edge of the wall and onto the roof. She was uncommonly pale and somehow sickly looking. Dusting herself off and very carefully putting her harisen (5)at her feet before stepping over it, she walked calmly past Shikamaru and regarded Deidara at arm's length.

"Be careful," said Shikamaru. "Don't step in my shadow. Anyone in its path has to copy me - and if I release you from it, I'll have to release him."

"He can't move unless he's copying you," said Temari coolly.

Shikamaru frowned at her. "... yes?"

"No matter what, as long as nothing breaks your shadow, he can't move," said Temari.

Shikamaru nodded and Temari smirked, watching Deidara's head imitate the gesture in jerky, resistant movements. She reached out and slipped a hand under Deidara's face, tilting his chin upwards and studying him with narrowed eyes.

One swift punch to the gut sent Deidara to his knees, where Temari's knee swung up to meet his descending chin and both her fists pounded down on the top of his head. For a second, Temari froze to let him fall to the ground.

"Anou-" started Shikamaru, watching her shoulders rise and fall with sharp, angry breaths.

"And if you _EVER-" _before Shikamaru could even move to make Deidara dodge, Temari had kicked the Akatsuki ninja in the stomach. "-EVER!-" another kick, and looking at Deidara's pain filled eyes, Shikamaru realized he hadn't allowed him to talk - he couldn't even cry out. "HURT MY FAMILY AGAIN!" another kick, Deidara was coughing up blood now.

Temari reached down and grabbed his ponytail, pushing her face so close to his that their noses touched. "I will kill you. Make no mistake, I will kill you. I will redefine _pain _for you and then I will kill you. And when I'm done with you, there won't be anything big enough left to bury."

With an enraged howl, she threw herself at him, biting and kicking and punching.

"TEMARI!"

Shikamaru ran forward, grabbing the feral girl, ignoring the way - on the ground - Deidara's legs pin wheeled to match his movements. She writhed against him, fighting to get away as he wrapped his around tightly around her waist from behind, pinning her arms to her sides.

"Stop!" he growled.

"Let me go! Let me GO!" shrieked Temari. "GOD DAMN IT! LET ME GO!"

"He can't fight back!" snapped Shikamaru. "It's not right!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"It's-" Shikamaru groaned as she jarred her arm back, elbowing him sharply in the ribs. "-it's stooping to his level - it's... he's got explosives in his pockets - you'll kill us both!"

She stopped suddenly.

"You can let go," she said quietly.

Shikamaru wasn't listening. In fact, his grip tightened further as he stared over Temari's shoulder at his captive, who was - laughing?

He hadn't _allowed _Deidara to talk - as long as he was under kagemane no jutsu Deidara shouldn't have been able to breathe without Shikamaru's consent. Shikamaru's gaze slid from the Akatsuki ninja to Temari's shoulder.

He could see his head's shadow outlined on Temari's hair.

"Ah," said Shikamaru. "How troublesome."

And the world exploded in a shower of debris and dust.

"Decided to wake up, did you?"

After what seemed like an eternity of darkness, Shikamaru opened one eye and groaned.

"Yeah," said Chouji, towering over him. "That d_oes_ look sore. Want some potato chips?"

"I wouldn't deprive you," grumbled Shikamaru. He twitched each limb, and, finding them in working order, attempted to sit up only to find his left leg and right arm immobile.

"Your loss," Chouji shrugged. "Oh, hang on."

He leaned over and lifted what was once a bookcase off Shikamaru's leg.

"So," said Chouji, sitting down in the rubble. "Who's the girl? Isn't that the Sand girl from the chuunin exams? She's cute. Could stand to gain a bit of weight, though."

"..." Shikamaru frowned at his friend. "Oh. Is Temari okay?"

Chouji nodded at Shikamaru's trapped right arm, where Temari lay curled up at his side, face finally relaxed into a childish expression.

"Sakura-chan looked over her earlier," he said. "She was in shock so she just gave her a sedative and told us to leave her where she was. You're not supposed to move shocked people, apparently."

"She's going to kill me when she wakes up," sighed Shikamaru.

"Why?"

"I don't know. She always does. Women are weird like that," grumbled Shikamaru. "She's worse than my mother."

He glanced over at Temari's innocent, almost drugged expression.

"I wonder if Sakura has more of those sedatives," he said contemplatively.

Teh author notes:

(1) I don't know how the official Shounen Jump'll translate this - it's actually 'un' in Japanese so scanlators seem to be divided 50/50, half using "hmmm" and half using "yeah." Personally, I prefer 'yeah'.

(2) I've seen them coloured gray or blue in a lot of fanart. But in the anime, they're green.

(3) Or bushin. . 

(4) Or, as in the American Jump, 'the-art-of-me-and-my-shadow'

(5) Yep. Fan. Sort of. Not really.


End file.
